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  • Randal 8:49 am on December 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , counseling, ,   

    Nudge: welcome advice 

    We’ve not had a Nudge in a long time, so here goes one for you. What advice do you wish you’d received before you needed it?

    Advice is usually considered something unwelcome. Let’s think about a piece of advice that we would have been glad to have received, perhaps helping us to avoid a mistake or live on a higher plane.

     

     
    • John Henson 10:53 am on December 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Good one.Needs thought.

    • Eugene Adkins 11:27 am on December 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Hey Randal. One for me would have been how to control my anger. Especially as a teenager. It got me into a LOT of trouble. I only knew what I saw and I didn’t get much encouargement from others I knew to do otherwise.

      • Eugene Adkins 11:29 am on December 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply

        And I also meant to say that the book of Proverbs would’ve helped. It has a ton to say (warnings) about anger.

        • J. Randal Matheny 12:58 pm on December 8, 2011 Permalink

          Proverbs would solve about 90% of the world’s problems. Am I being conservative in my estimate?

  • Richard Mansel 8:12 pm on July 5, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: counseling, , premarital counseling, ,   

    Premarital Counseling 

    If you need help with material to use in performing premarital counseling, I have put some of my questions and links on my blog.

     
    • Ron 4:57 am on July 6, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Richard, looks real good. I have material at teh ready when I do pre-marital counseling. I think I will add yours also. Good job!

  • Randal 11:13 am on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , counseling   

    Today’s Daily Nudge asks the Fellows to share some recent advice they gave to a Christian.

    After a recent meeting of the SJC church here, a brother rose on his own initiative and stated his opinion that we’d have problems in a project we were considering. His comments were extensive. This is a brother who consistently sees the downside to opportunities. So I rebuked him publicly, which I almost never do. I told him that in order to bring before the church an issue, he needed to have facts and data, not an opinion. He was throwing a bucket of cold water on the project. I was stern and when he tried to insist, I overrode him by raising my voice somewhat, but not yelling. I have never done that before. Some of the brethren may have been taken back by it. Afterwards, I treated this brother normally, with no rancor nor resentment.

    Perhaps we will decide the project is not for us; that will be fine. I do not feel strongly about it one way or the other. But we must, at least, give it a chance to go forward by a judicious consideration of our situation. Otherwise, naysayers will keep us from ever doing anything.

     
    • Ron 11:33 am on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      You response and follow-up response, to me, was very important. I hope you have much success with the brother.

      • Randal Matheny 11:42 am on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        He’s a good man, with a good heart, from what I can tell. Though he’s made some huge mistakes in his life that have costed him dearly, he hangs in there with his faith. That counts for a lot. We’ve talked a lot and prayed much together. He’s confessed many of his wrongs to the church. But the church here is, as I see it, at a crossroads where we must either go forward boldly or shrivel and die. His comments would have sent us in the wrong direction, not toward a decision one way or the other on the project, but toward a mindset that would destroy us, as it has his own personal life.

    • Daniel Haynes 3:47 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Thank you for sharing and your godly example, Randal. It is encouraging to hear of biblical instructions being put into practice when necessary.

      • Randal Matheny 3:53 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

        I replayed that moment over a half-dozen times. Wondered if I should have apologized to him and the congregation. But all I could note was a concern for that one particular behavior and its impact on the congregation. A few days earlier, we’d had that brother in our home for a meal, no bad feeling there whatsoever. So I concluded that my reaction was proper and did not merit an apology. Just want to do what’s right and good for all.

        • Daniel Haynes 3:58 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink

          I wonder if our culture influences us to the point that we feel bad for doing what is right? I know that I’ve yielded to this ignorance more than a few times. Jesus is a great example of a man saying what needed to be said, but yet no one would say he lacked compassion or mercy or love. Just my two cents.

        • Randal Matheny 4:04 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink

          Good point, Daniel. I suspect you’re right. Good of you to call us back to Jesus’ example. We’re not the perfect, sinless Son of God he was, but we do need to follow him in this respect, certainly.

    • Tim Archer 6:51 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Years ago, while living in Córdoba, the church did some personality tests, the pop psychology stuff from Personality Plus. It was surprising how much it helped us understand one another. One particular brother scored high in the melancholy trait.

      Because of that, we knew that no matter what was proposed, he would have a negative opinion of it. We learned to ignore the part where he said, “It won’t work” and listen to see if his reasons were valid. At the same time, he learned to voice his opinions, but respect everyone’s analysis of the situation (which would be more optimistic than his).

      Sounds like this brother has a similar personality type.

      Grace and peace,
      Tim Archer

    • David R. Kenney 6:55 pm on February 4, 2010 Permalink | Reply

      Faced a similar situation with a faithful Christian seasoned citizen whom I admired greatly. Every idea was shot down by him with “We’ve already tried that and it didn’t work.” After a few rounds of that ammunition shot into the brain storming session, I kindly stopped, lowered my voice an octave, and asked what ideas he had that we should try. He didn’t reload. A great Christian man…just needed reminded that planting & watering continually is our part…the increase is God’s part.

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