John Harrison advertised in the Knoxville Journal for a husband for his daughter. The ad said, “Needed: son-in-law. Hunting and fishing a must. Must be willing to wash dishes on hunting trips.” Harrison says his daughter was dating too many men who weren’t outdoorsy. For years many have thought that compatibility was the most important ingredient in a successful marriage. However recent studies show that commitment and communication are far more important. Commitment is the determination to make it work. And communication is the ability to understand another’s viewpoint. It is not fighting, nagging, insulting or arguing. At the root of communication is unselfishness. Real communication desires to understand what the other thinks and feels. Each should be seeking the happiness of the other. This is Just-A-Minute with Ed Boggess
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Ed Boggess
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Ed Boggess
Marital conflict is a fact of life. Disagreement of one degree or another is sure to come. I once had a lady say, “We’ve been married 40 years and have never had a cross word.” I don’t trust a person like that. I figure if they lie about that, they’ll lie about other things too. Some marriages have occasional skirmishes, others have all-out-war. One man referred to his wife as “The War Department”. I’ve stood at the Southern tip of Illinois, and have watched the great Ohio and Mississippi rivers converge. Where they come together there is a lot of turbulence, but 20 miles downstream the two have become one. When two people marry, it takes a while to blend two wills into one. Conflict is sure to happen. The question is how to handle it? Is it resolved? or Is it kept and nursed until it explodes some day? Paul said, Be ye angry (that is express it) and sin not (that is control it) and let not the sun go down on your wrath (bury it). Express it, control it, and bury it. . This is “Just-a-Minute” with Ed Boggess
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Ed Boggess
Recently, I heard of a fellow who was flying into Dallas. He couldn’t help but notice that the fellow seated next to him was wearing his wedding band on the wrong finger, his index finger. He thought that was just a bit unusual, so he remarked, “Friend, I notice you’re wearing your wedding band on the wrong finger.” The fellow replied, “Yeah, it’s to remind me I married the wrong woman!” A lot of people feel that way. Chances are if you asked his wife she’d say that she had married the wrong man. A long time ago, a wise man said, “More important than finding the right mate is being the right mate!” That is a truth many have yet to learn. You marry Cinderella, but she ends up the wicked witch of the West. Prince Charming and Snow White are fine for fairy tales, but marriage is no fairy-tale. Real marriages are made with real people. If you would “live happily ever after”, you’ve got to be willing to work at it. This is “Just-a-Minute” with Ed Boggess
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Ed Boggess
Professor Hans Jurgens asked 5,000 German husbands and wives how often they talked to each other. After two years of marriage, most of them managed 2 or 3 minutes of chat over breakfast, about 20 minutes at supper and a few more minutes before retiring. By the sixth year, it was down to 10 minutes a day. By the 8th year of marriage, a state of almost speechlessness was reached. Surely, this sad lack of communication contributes to the skyrocketing divorce rate. Marriage experts tell us that there are “three C’s” that are the keys to successful marriages: commitment, communication, and cohesion. When couples stop communicating, the marriage already has one strike against it. The other two usually come in short order. If you want to have a successful marriage, start by talking to each other; not shouting, not insulting, not nagging, sut simple communication. “What God hath joined together let not man put asunder.” This is Just-a-Minute with Ed Boggess
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Eugene Adkins
Who’s the Crazy One?
My wife left this message for me on my dry erase board: “My husband thinks I’m crazy…But I’m not the one who married me!”
“And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” (Genesis 2:18- NKJV)
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Richard Mansel
Battleground Passage
I have been asked to speak on 1 Corinthians 7:14-16:
14: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
15: But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
16: For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Considering the number of doctrinal fights over this passage concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage, this is a daunting task. I guess I will find out how many theories there are out there for this passage.
The first and last verses are rather easy — the middle is a battlefield passage in the Lord’s church. Entire books have been written on this passage doing battle against false doctrines.
What are your thoughts on this passage? Thanks for your input!
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Weylan Deaver
I recommend Thomas B. Warren’s book, “Under Bondage To the Law of Christ (The Only Real Freedom),” in which he refutes the error of James D. Bales’ book, “Not Under Bondage.” Error on MDR will continue to be a thorn in the church’s side as long as we cave to society rather than listen to what the Lord said in Matthew 19.
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Richard Mansel
Thank you, brother. I have that book right in front of me.
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Ron Thomas
I think as Weylan does, but all applications belong to the couples that might be involved in a compromise. What I mean by this is simply this: I am not an investigator; if one mentions to me something on the topic, I will show them the Lord’s teachings, and encourage them to make application where required.
It’s a tough subject, but more so because of the compromises that have resulted with the break down of morality.
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Russ McCullough
First and foremost, Paul is 100% consistent with Christ in Matt. 19. That is a given. Jesus says that marriage is only between one man and one woman for life, death and adultery excepted. Those separating for other reasons must relegate themselves to “eunuch for the Kingdom” status for the rest of their lives – no sexual unions with anyone else…ever. A very high standard. Paul is allowing the Christian freedom to let their pagan mate to leave. The Christian is not “bound” to go with them. However, if there is no adultery on the part of the pagan mate, there is also…according to Christ…no permission to remarry. In pagan society, however, adultery at the pagan temples would be the norm, not the exception. When that would happen the Christian could then scripturally remarry. Not many can hear this truth. Bro. Keeble once observed; “Baptism washes away sins, not marriages.”
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Royce Pendergrass
I am not a book salesman but I would recommend Bro. Burton Coffman’s Commentary on 1 Corinthians on this subject particularly his footnote on the chapter. I had a good brother tell me he felt compelled to take a candidate to the back room to determine if they were fit for baptism. My simple thought was, “where is the doctrine that teaches that?”
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Eugene Adkins
“Sad Times at Pilgrim High”
What’s the new controversy on the street? A mural of a young boy, growing up and graduating from school? Nah. There’s nothing controversial about that. But a mural of a young boy, growing up, graduating from school…getting married and starting a “traditional” family. Now that’s controversial! At least that’s what some leaders of Pilgrim High School in Rhode Island considered it.
Whatever “progress” those at the Pilgrim school have in mind, it will never get ahead of God’s plan for the family: one man, one woman, one life (Genesis 2:23-24; Matthew 19:4-5).
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Eugene Adkins
Husbands, which one is it?
All right you fellas with a ring on “that” finger, I have some questions for you.
Do you still remember what it was like when you were just dating your wife? Do you still remember what it was like to do random things for her that she didn’t expect?
What’s it like today compared to the past? Which one is it? Is it still those sweet nothings from time to time – or has it turned into nothing sweet?
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” (Colossians 3:19, NKJV)
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J. Randal Matheny
A woman’s prayer (cartoon)
So that’s why The Missus was asking for strength (under her breath) the other day! #cartoon #backpew #marriageLike this:
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Ed Boggess
Someone has said, “The honeymoon is over when he quits calling her slender and calls her skinny and when he stops helping her with the dishes and has to do them by himself. All marriages have a honeymoon stage when everything about the other is peaches and cream. But after awhile it turns to pits and curds. Prince Charming turns into a grouch on a couch in a slouch and Cinderella has switched to a witch with an itch to nag. Each one says, “That’s not the same person I married.” Well, welcome to reality. Each is disillusioned. Each is disappointed with the other. The question is: what to do about it? Do you throw in the towel, get a divorce, and start the cycle all over again? Too many find their ideal turns out to be an ordeal, so they are ready for a new deal. But that’s not the answer. The solution is to work through the differences to a healthy and mature relationship. This is achieved through adjustment and acceptance, and working it out. This is “Just-a-Minute” with Ed Boggess
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J. Randal Matheny
Why I love my wife &c.
Rob Lester did a series on Facebook about the reasons why he loved his wife, many of them humorous. Here’s one of mine. I go into the kitchen after my Saturday afternoon nap for a drink of water (The Missus had forwarded an email to me the day before about the need to drink water to keep the kidneys in good shape), and she prepares me a homemade cappuccino and two, not one, but two brownies. Ah, life is hard.
• Been busy with some poetry in the past few days. Today, a love poem for The Missus (she said she assumed I’d written it for her): “To Speak of Love.” Yesterday, last night actually, before I hit the sack, a piece here on TFR: “So Let’s Dance in the Aisles.” And also yesterday, an almost melancholy piece, “In Wings and Walls.”
• The first two were written on the fly, popped ‘em out and posted. The latter I wrote a few days earlier, tweaked it a bit, then posted. Maybe I should give the poems a rest next week, reckon? But then they appear at their own behest, not mine.
• My dad spent the night in the hospital Wednesday. He passed out in church. Apparently, a combination of sinus infection and dehydration. Drove himself home the next day (Mom had gone for a checkup on her pacemaker), I talked to him last night, seems to be OK. But I’d appreciate a prayer for him. He’s only 81.
• Do you like the sound of your voice? I don’t. Maybe I should take voice lessons? Some supporters are interested in me doing some audio/radio. I’m interested too, but for that dislike.
• I read somewhere once that Reagan used to drink hot water before he spoke. Relaxed his throat. Have you ever tried that?
• And last, a link I shared on Twitter, for a big Saturday-night helping of ignorance. “Christians must stand up for gay marriage.” Lots of “I believe,” with no evidence to back it up. Such is our world. And such is our task, to shine light upon the darkness. Go shine! Isa 60.1!
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Ed Boggess
. The latest census figures say that there are 131,729 same-sex marriages in America. While that is far fewer that they anticipated, it is still 131,729 too many! God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve! Moreover, when Sodom and Gomorrah got into the same-sex business, God put an end to it by raining fire and brimstone on their heads. The way the US is going, if God does not step in soon, He will have to apologize to the cities of the plain. Men burning in lust for men and women committing shameful acts with women, is both debased and perverse. It is not natural! If it were natural, children could be conceived from it. Had it been Adam and Steve, mankind wouldn’t have lasted long. This is Just-A-Minute
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Alex Haiken
I happened to come across your blog. Nearly every person who acknowledges an aversion to homosexuality does so on the basis of what he or she believes the Bible has to say. In their mind, there is no doubt whatsoever about what the Bible says and what the Bible means. Their general argument goes something like this: Homosexuality is an abomination and the homosexual is a sinner. Homosexuality is condemned in both the Old and New Testaments. Therefore, if we are to be faithful to the clear teachings of Scripture we too must condemn homosexuality. This premise is being widely debated among evangelicals today and seriously challenged by biblical scholars, theologians and religious leaders everywhere.
It rarely occurs to any of us that our reading of Scripture is profoundly colored by our own cultural context and worldview. Clearly, throughout church history most Christians who have used the Bible to condemn other Christians believed they were acting in good faith. However, history has revealed that what many were defending was their presumption of what the Bible teaches, not the truth of Scripture.
Since I happen to speak and write on this very topic, I thought you might find some of these posts of interest. I would particularly recommend to you the following: “Romans 1: What Was Paul Ranting About?”, “Romans 2: Paul’s Bait and Switch” and “Why No One in the Biblical World Had a Word for Homosexuality.” You can find links to these and others on my “Index” page. I trust you will find them applicable and relevant.
-Alex Haiken
http://JewishChristianGay.wordpress.com
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Ed Boggess
I suppose every storm cloud has a silver lining. Even the dismal economy is having, at least one positive fallout. Some married couples who would otherwise divorce are putting forth the effort to repair and mend their broken marriage. Clinical psychologist Susan Heitler says, “It is radically cheaper emotionally, as well as financially, to fix the marriage than to declare it dead.” For too long marriages have ended in divorce without serious effort or thought given to reconciliation. The couples suffer hurt and trauma, but when there are children, the consequences are multiplied. To those who have been through divorce, God offers help and healing. But for those who are married God says, marriage is a lifelong covenant! Work to make it work. This is Just-A-Minute with Ed Boggess
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TFRStaff
Adultery is still not virtuous
My friend, purity is as purity does. Our memory verse for this week is 1 John 3:3. Those who have sexual relationships prior to or outside of the marriage bed are not pure. When a married person has such relationships with someone who is not their mate, they are adulterers and fornicators. Our text, Matt. 14:1-12 is an event recorded for us some time after it had occurred. John, the baptizer, is already dead. His death was the result of his preaching the truth on the subject of adultery. He had particular angered Herodias with his preaching. It was she who precipitated his death.
I read somewhere that the last census revealed that 25% of American “couples” were living together without marriage. Virtually no television sitcom has family situations with everyone married. Even insurance companies in our nation have been pressured to grant family status to “partners” without the benefit of marriage. The present ungodly conditions have even altered our language. Many have learned to not assume the person you are living with is your husband or wife, but a “partner.” There is no longer any embarrassment when it is known that a person is sleeping with someone outside of marriage. Unlawful divorce (in the eyes of God) is rampant and the divorced have no problem jumping in bed with someone else when the desire arises. We could go on. This is a brief lesson. It took John only one sentence and he did not have to explain himself. He said, “It is not lawful …”
It is still not lawful. Despite those who hate God, despite those who hate godliness and purity, despite those who call the concept of adultery old-fashioned or outdated or prudish, it is still not lawful. It is not lawful if one who is divorced for a reason other than fornication (Mt. 19:1-9) is remarried. It is not lawful for an unmarried person to sleep with a married person. If most people completely ignored marriage and decided to “shack up,” it still is not lawful.
If any one reading this finds themselves in the category of being in an unlawful marriage state, there is good news for you. One can be forgiven – but not while you continue to commit adultery. As Jesus told the woman in Jn. 8:1-11, "go and sin no more.”
For those of you who do not get the bulletin, the attachment is the article in the bulletin. For those who do the bulletin below is number one.
Mike Glenn
12-1 Purity Is As Purity Does.doc
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J. Randal Matheny
Ephesians 5
Following the New Testament plan, today we read Ephesians chapter 5. Its content includes:
- Imitate God in everything: love and light (5.1-14)
- "Watch where you’re going!" (5.15-21)
- Take it home: wives and husbands (5.21-33)
That second point is my paraphrase of verse 15a. My parents had to tell me that a lot, and I still need hear it.
The NET Bible’s divisions of the chapter, at the link above, are also nifty: Live in love; Live in the light; Live wisely; Exhortations to households.
Next week, the plan starts Monday with the book of Revelation. Why not join us?
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TFRStaff
Wives, submit to your husbands
Note: Below is Mike Glenn’s email to which a person had objected. It’s included here today (was sent yesterday) for your own objective analysis.
Our text for the JG study today is 1Pet. 3:1-6. We are now living in a world where both in politics and in homes, women are claiming equal rights and equal position. The argument is made that women can do any job that men can. While our different physical make-up makes our abilities different, it would not matter if that were not the case. Remember that our slogan is, ‘if God says it…that settles it.’ God has said that wives are to be in subjection to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24; 3:18). Moreover, He has said that women in general are to be subject to men for the following reasons: (1) The woman is the glory of the man (1 Cor. 11:7). (2) The man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man (1 Cor. 11:8). (2) The man is not for the woman, but the woman for the man (1 Cor. 11:9). (4) Adam was formed first, then Eve (1 Tim. 2:13) (5) Eve was deceived, not Adam (1 Tim. 2:14). God, of course, did not have to give us any reasons. His word alone would be sufficient for the faithful to follow. That is what it means to respect authority. Let’s briefly examine our text to see how diligently God expects this command to be followed.
- God presents a case where the one whom God says is the leader is not the man he should be – he is not a Christian. His outlook on life, death, money, recreation, relationships, sex, raising children, dress and a host of other things is different than that of the Christian wife and is obviously not what God wants it to be.
- This is a man who is not interested in studying the Bible, not interested in obeying God. God says that the wife’s subjection and faithfulness may be the avenue through which the husband is converted.
- God also makes it clear that the wife is to conduct herself as a Christian in this relationship. She is not to give up her faithful conduct (vs. 2-4). She is under the authority of God first. God says that women who trusted in Him have always so conducted themselves (v. 5).
- Sarah, Abraham’s wife, is set forth as an example of such subjection. You will remember that her subjection was such that she acquiesced in Abraham’s request to lie about being his wife. That is going beyond God’s will, but does show Sarah’s complete respect for Abraham’s authority.
- While it is true that men are to treat their wives as they would treat themselves, their failure to do so does not change God’s requirement of the wives subjection. By the same token, in all matters of authority, the ungodly or hypocritical conduct of the man does not change the authority of his office so long as he is in it.
I pray we are seeing the importance of this matter of respect for and submission to authority.
Mik
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TFRStaff
On the abuse and submission of women
Note: Mike Glenn responds to someone who objected to his email, sent through his list.
I received a response to yesterday’s email from someone who is not on the Joshua Generation list, but received it from someone. His objections merited some consideration and a response. This person basically made these points in stronger (not vulgar) language than I am including below.
1. The biblical writers wrote about marriage they way they did because of the influence of their patriarchal society.
2. That I suggested that women sin when they are unwilling to take abuse from their husband.
I am sending you all my response to him as a tempering of any idea I may have left with any of you that men can be abusive or that women are required by God to take that abuse.
Sir,
Thank you so much for your response even though you are not on the Joshua Generation list. You have particularly objected to my last bullet point in the previous bulletin. Actually, you have read into my statements some things that are not meant and that I do not believe. I acknowledge that upon rereading the particular paragraph you note, I could have tempered it with some clarifying comments. I will send out another email doing that very thing. I do not ever “welcome” abuse and certainly do not intend to imply that women are required to take any abuse that comes their way. If you had a larger picture of my teaching, as those who are actually on my JG list, you would know that already.
I do see the influence of a patriarchal society in scripture. Some of that influence is ungodly and contrary to God’s will, but thankfully, most of that influence is God inspired. Men are to love their wives as their own bodies. They are to nourish them and cherish them. Tlhey are to treat them in such fashion that their influence will lead their wife to salvation (Eph. 5:22-31). In addition, Peter says that they are to give them honor (1 Pet. 3:1-6). All of this is to be done whether or not the wife chooses to follow God’s plan of submission. Of course, a husband who does this would never make demands that are not spiritually, physically or emotionally beneficial to his wife. Christ loved the church in the same way.
Also, Eph. 5:21 says that we are to “submit one to another. That raises some interesting thoughts. Elders are overseers of the church and yet they are to submit to the church. Husbands are over their wives and yet they are to submit to their wives. How can that happen? The answer lies in the the biblical teaching of servanthood and in the principles of love that guide that. As Jesus is the Lord and Master to whom we must submit, he yet gave us an example of continuous service to his fellow man, the majority of whom would continue to reject His efforts to save them (Jn. 13:13-15). We are taught to consider the needs of others first (Matt. 6:12; Phil. 2:3-4). Paul, an apostle with authority from the Lord, said that he was willing to use himself and to be used by others in order to serve them (2 Cor. 12:15). The Bible teaches that authority is never exercised correctly if it is not in conjunction with service. This is why elders are told to oversee and rule the church of God (Heb. 13:7, 17, Acts 20:28) at the same time they are told not to be “lords” over the sheep. They do that by first considering the needs and desires of the congregation and the impact of their decisions.
All of us sir, have some situations wherein our mate does not obey what God says about how they should act in the marriage relationship. Quite a large number of those in marriage relationships take varying degrees of mistreatment that affect us emotionally, physically or spiritually. That mistreatment of a husband toward his wife or a wife toward her husband does not negate our responsibility to act as God directed. We must be very careful to not read abuse into every little mistreatment that occurs. That does not mean that a person must take abuse that is dangerous to their well-being. Their are biblical concepts of spiritual and physical self-protection and self-preservation that may bring about the separation of spouses rather than the suffering of abuse. I do not believe that wives are to continually suffer abuse at the hands of their ungodly husbands.
Mike
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Glenda Williams
An Encore Wedding
That’s a new one for me. My friend posted she was going to an encore wedding this morning. I asked, “Where did that come from? Oh, from Emily Post no less. She replied, “There’s a whole chapter on Encore weddings (remarriage) in the Emily Post Wedding etiquette, 5th Ed by Peggy Post, page 234. I thought that was very interesting. Never heard it called that before.”
Encore weddings may be glamorized by etiquette professionals, but we better make sure they meet with God’s strict guidelines on remarriage! Death or fornication narrow the encore field.
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Richard Mansel
Love and Commitment
The website For Christian Girls is featuring a new article written by a High School Sophomore on God’s love and what it means to us as His children. I hope you will read what this young person has to say.Love is one of the greatest of motivators and it should perpetually loom before our eyes to keep us focused.
In a fleshly sense, love is a fickle, selfish emotion. However, in God’s eyes, love is action and commitment (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Jesus told us that if we loved Him, we would obey Him (John 14:15).
In our own relationships, love is always action and should reign supreme. In a marriage, we must always have scales ready to weigh our small arguments and disagreements against a lifetime together. They are all minuscule against the years we have entrusted to us. Commitment means that we persevere no matter what comes against us. We stand strong against the waves of pain, heartache and troubles in this world. Clasping our hands, we walk through them all together.
Let us always remember these noble goals and we will truly understand “until death do we part.”
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Mike Riley
A good article and good thoughts by a high school sophomore. May God provide us with many more such spiritually-minded individuals!
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Richard Mansel
Thank you for reading it, Mike.
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Stephen R. Bradd
Making oneself a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake
Fellows, my heart is heavy and has been for two days now. I’ve been preaching full-time now for a small church of about 30 people for nearly 11 years and I experienced a difficult first this week pertaining to Matt. 19:9, I Cor 7:10,11, etc.
First, let me say this–I understand the truth of God’s word on marriage, divorce, & remarriage (MDR), and I teach it.
http://www.audioevangelism.com/sndwrds/transcripts/SW_2005_05_14_text.htm
http://www.audioevangelism.com/sndwrds/transcripts/SW_2005_05_21_text.htm
Nevertheless, it is one thing to teach a difficult truth to an audience and another thing to teach it to a couple sitting across from you (there is a huge difference emotionally). It is one thing to teach an audience that “we must not live in adulterous situations–even if the civil courts sanction such” when you don’t have any specific person in mind, and it is another thing when you know the couple sitting a few feet away is, by their own admission, living in adultery.
Let me back up a minute–this is not the first time I’ve had discussions like this with people privately in my office. Strangers will call me up asking me to marry them. I never agree to do so over the phone but always offer to meet with them to discuss their situation. Often the couple interested in getting married has no Scriptural right to do so, and I show them Jesus’ words to that end. Some are respectful and quiet as they leave but others are angry and let it be known.
But 2 days ago I had a new experience. A couple I’ve been studying with (both about 50 years old with no young kids) have learned much in the past few weeks and have come to understand they need to be immersed. We talked a lot about conversion in our recent study. Also, they specifically wanted to talk about marriage, so we did. She has a Catholic background and was concerned that the church of Christ would not accept their marriage. We addressed that and then we talked about Matt. 19, etc. The man was qualified for marriage, but the woman was not (having divorced her 1st husband years ago, but not for infidelity). This man and woman sitting across from me understood (for the first time) the gravity of Jesus’ words in Matt. 19:9 and it hit them like a ton of bricks. I felt like Ezra and would have pulled out some of my beard if I could grow one (9:3).
“I’m not a bad person,” the woman said. “We didn’t know these truths when we got married a year or two ago” (they had lived together a number of years before getting “married” recently). I nodded as my heart ached for them. I thought to myself: “Would they be able to do what God’s word prescribes?” I then shared some verses on commitment, Jesus’ sacrifice as an example for us, and what it means to make oneself a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake. I tried to explain the brevity of life and the “duration” of eternity.
The couple didn’t get mad; they didn’t leave; they sat stunned and took it all in. This gave me hope for them. After 2 hours of talking about MDR and baptism, we all left the office with heavy hearts. How will it end? I do not know. But I’m praying for them and hope you will, too. They have great potential for the Lord–but not as a “married” couple. Will they seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness or will they turn away as the rich, young ruler did? Only time will tell.
I have a small inkling now of perhaps how Ezra felt in Ch. 9. I know the truth and can do nothing else but preach it in its entirety. I’m not the most sensitive chap, and, in my youth, I cannot recall every feeling terrible about sharing God’s word with someone. But it had to be done (Acts 20:26,27), and I did it the best I could in love (Eph. 4:15). Praise be to Almighty God!
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Chad Dollahite
God bless you, brother…these are the situations that tear at the heart of a preacher. True love is not withholding the Word, though, and you are certainly to be commended. I sure hope and pray they do what is right.
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Mike Riley
Stephen, I appreciate your stand for God’s truth! You did the right thing. Now it’s up to the couple you spoke to do the right thing in light of God’s word. May God help them in choosing what is right in His sight.
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Weylan Deaver
You did right, Stephen, and–whatever the outcome–you can live with your conscience, knowing you did not “bend” the gospel to fit a circumstance. Years ago, late Sunday evening, a Christian woman called wanting me to talk to her non-Christian husband. The three of us met that night in the church library for some time, where I tried to present the gospel to the husband as his wife looked on. During combat in Viet Nam, he had, in his mind, literally made a deal with the devil to survive a situation, and that presented a big obstacle to his obedience to the gospel, since he thought he could not be forgiven for it. After much effort to convince him that he could, indeed, be forgiven if he would repent and be baptized, he seemed convinced. Then the subject turned to marriage and that’s when the wheels came off. It turned out the couple did not have a clear right to be married, and we went over Jesus’ teaching on divorce. Our meeting adjourned on a somber note, instead of joyous. I still believe he could have been baptized that night had it not been for his marriage situation. But, instead of pushing for his baptism, I encouraged their further study on the subject and gave them some material to that end. I never saw him again. But I hope the couple you’re working with will make the sacrifice necessary to their salvation.
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Ron
Nothing I can offer that has not been said, but I can surely relate with your experience. Boy! Don’t I know it!
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Richard Mansel
Brotherhood Website for Young Women
I hope you will visit and support the new website, For Christian Girls. Their mission is that young women in the church can receive teaching, encouragement and a forum for their special needs. I am looking forward to being a small part of this work. My first article is up and entitled, Women are Treasures. It discusses the beautiful creation of the first man and woman and how God gave her as a gift to Adam. Accordingly, she should be respected and honored and should walk with pride and humility before her Creator.
See you at the site! Leave a comment and encourage this new work.
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Mike Riley
Richard, I’ve added the link to my Bible study blog under the heading “Christian Women.”
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Richard Mansel
How Can He Save His Marriage?
Raymond visits his old home place and learns a very valuable lesson on marriage, in the process. I hope you will stop by and read his story and see what you can learn about your own marriage.
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Chad Dollahite
Richard, this was great…great story and great application!
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Richard Mansel
Thank you, Chad!
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Richard Mansel
The Bible’s Simple Plan for Sex
Scripture speaks often and favorably about sex. God loves humanity and provides sexual fulfillment as a rewarding way to bring marriages closer together and to produce offspring. In the proper context, it is a powerful and beautiful thing.We will briefly consider the proper role of sex in our lives. God’s plan is simple and wholesome. However, the world ridicules it as being old-fashioned, outdated and repressive. These false charges are proof of how sexually depraved the world has become.
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Mike Riley
I like what you state here, Richard: “Remember that God’s plan requires humility and selflessness,which dooms most people.”
Yes, those two qualities of character definitely dooms most people – they are neither humble or selfless – their only criteria is, “What’s in it for me?”
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John T. Polk II
“True Love”
While counterfeit religion gives us a “St. Valentine’s Day;” and worships the mythical pagan gods of “Lupercus,” protector of shepherds and flocks, or “Cupid” (later substituted with the Roman Catholic “Valentine”); and offers commercialized gifts of flowers, candy, or jewelry; I think of Dorwin Stoddard. Dorwin and Mavy were childhood sweethearts who in time married others, but when their respective mates died, they retired back to Tucson, Arizona, re-kindled their romance, and married. As Christians who worshiped with the Mountain Avenue church of Christ, they were beloved.
At a public gathering in Tucson, on January 8, 2011, Jared Loughner, whose works were evil (1 John 3:12), opened fire on the crowd killing 6 and wounding 13. Knowing that Ephesians 5:25 said: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,” in a split-second, Dorwin threw himself down on top of Mavy. She was shot 3 times in the leg and he was shot in the head. She survived, he did not. It was not the 17 heart stents that had kept Dorwin alive for 76 years, but his deep, abiding love for Jesus Christ, and Mavy. Mavy will recover from the gunshots and live out her life knowing she has been supremely loved by 2 men, Jesus Christ and Dorwin Stoddard, both of whom gave their lives for her.
While Harlotwood propaganda continues to demean men (with endless “crotchshots,” humiliation, and stupidity) and inflate women’s individuality (fictionalizing them as men’s equals, superiors, or complete without men), suddenly God has thrust into the spotlight a couple who had it right. Mavy was a “helper comparable” to Dorwin (Genesis 2:18), and he loved his wife as his own body (Ephesians 5:28). Here was a husband who so loved his own wife as himself, and a wife who respected her husband (Ephesians 5:33), that he willingly gave his life to keep the best part of him alive.
Do what you wish on February 14, but I think The Day For Love occurred on 1/8/11, when a true “saint” demonstrated before the world what Jesus Christ did for the whole world centuries ago. Indeed, “precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints” (Psalm 116:15). Thank God for Dorwin Stoddard.
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Ron
Good words. I like this.
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Ed Boggess
Making a good marriage – JAM
This is Just-A-Minute with Ed Boggess. I read where one man advertised for a wife in the newspaper and he got 300 replies? Most of them were from men who wrote, “You can have mine.” Why is it there are so many unhappy marriages? One reason might be there has never been much effort at really improving the marriage. We take classes to learn math, science, language and so forth; but couples are expected to know how to be a good husband or wife without ever having any instruction. But marriage is like anything else. Good marriages don’t just happen; they are made, they are built. It can be learned through trial and error; but a better and more effective way is through a workshop designed to strengthen the marriage.
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Ed Boggess
When someone wins, no one wins!
If it needs doing, do it!
50-50 won’t cut it! It takes whatever it takes!
If she asks, “How do I look?” She always looks great!
If she asks, “How does it taste?” It always tastes great!
If you don’t live in it or drive it to work, don’t borrow to buy it!-
Mike Riley
Good advice, Brother Ed! Preach on!
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drkenney
Good Marital Sacrifice
My favorite story outside of the Bible of marital sacrifice is “The Gift of the Magi” by William Sydney Porter (aka O. Henry).
The best lesson for marital sacrifice is Christ (the Bridegroom) and His sacrifice for His Bride (the Church):
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33, NKJV)
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Laura
“The Gift of the Magi” is an excellent story.
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Stanley Adams
I suggest go back a verse. There is a mutual submission in marriage. There must be a mutual submission to make marriage work.
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Ron Thomas
Marrying Me!
It has been said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. Others have said it is a 100-100 proposition. Whatever percentage perspective one chooses to take (or make), without the contributions of both, the marriage will have difficulty succeeding. In our family, my wife of 27 years has made more sacrifices than I can count; I have made many, but they do not compare in quanity to what my wife has made. I have often said that if I can be half the person my wife is, I will be someone someday. Our relationship is such that I defer to her on most everything; I have not the slightest concern that she will do anything out of sort. If I am disappointed in something she did (which is rare), it will not be because she intentionally did wrong, but that things did not work out as she hoped.
A good marital sacrifice? I do not know. I can say that with what my wife has done over the years, she has been the best thing for me, and she made the sacrifice in marrying me!
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J. Randal Matheny
Daily Nudge: Marital sacrifice — and news
Marrieds and singles can have a go at today’s Nudge, but the former might have an edge over the latter in experience: How does a spouse sacrifice in a marriage in positive ways that contribute to the relationship?
I ask since tomorrow Vicki and I will teach in Sao Paulo in a marriage seminar, which I’ve entitled something like (loose translation), “Love is Too Little, But Sacrifice Gets the Job Done.” Obviously, the word “love” is used in the phrase in a restricted sense, that of romance.
No word from Richard M. that I’ve seen, recently, about his mother’s funeral, nor from Jody Apple about his father-in-law’s funeral, but I’m sure they’re all busy in those said moments. Last night we took son Micah to the airport to return him to the daughter-in-law. No plans to see family in the US now until 2012.
You got news?
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Ed Boggess
Married for life? – JAM
- Things continue to change and many of the changes are for the worse! A recent Herald-Chronicle reported that unmarried women have set a new record for child birth. Moreover the increase blew away the previous figure. In 1990 births by unwed mothers was 28% but in 2008 it had jumped to 41%. It seems that love and marriage no longer go together like a horse and carriage. Marriage is under assault in our modern society. One night stands have replaced life-time commitments and the consequences will be felt by the children, as well as society. What will turn it around? The only solution I know is a return to respect of God’s word. This is Just-A-Minute with Ed Boggess inviting you to the Winchester Church of Christ.
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Richard Mansel
Trusting Our Loved Ones
I hope you will read my new article, Trusting Our Loved Ones It is advanced relationship training. It solves a key problem related to how we communicate with one another. Should we have to start over every day or does our history together matter?As I discussed with Randal, the ability to write fiction is allowing me to dig deeper on some subjects. That is the power of prose. I look forward to your insight on this challenging aspect of our relationships.
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Mike Riley
Richard, I definitely believe history together matters. Many of the things we do and say have to do with our own selfishness – thinking of ourselves before thinking of others. The New Testament teaches a different concept (Philippians 2:3-5; cf. 1 Corinthians 13:5).
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Richard Mansel
Thank you, Mike. Your kind words mean a lot.
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J. Randal Matheny
Deception in marrige, suffering and prayer etc.
From my blog post today:
Not a few young brides and husbands say of their disappointment in marriage that their mate “deceived” them. That’s possible, I suppose. More likely, however, there was a rush to the altar with no time to really know the other, or romantic blinders kept them from seeing the obvious, or they told themselves that they could change their mate after the vows. “All young women begin by believing they can change and reform the men they marry. They can’t,” said George Bernard Shaw.
Eight items, in all, right HERE.
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Sandra Moore
I remember reading recently where a woman was asking for advice because she had a bad husband. She said they had been together something like 5 years, married for 3. She said he had been that way “as long as I have known him.” Uh huh. Nobody to blame for a bad marriage but herself.
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J. Randal Matheny
Sandra, I suspect that’s a typical scenario. People tend to enter into bad relationships and situations similar to those they grew up in. Gravitating to what they already know, perhaps?
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Richard Mansel
Premarital Counseling
If you need help with material to use in performing premarital counseling, I have put some of my questions and links on my blog.
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Ron
Richard, looks real good. I have material at teh ready when I do pre-marital counseling. I think I will add yours also. Good job!
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Mike Riley
Kids First, Marriage Later — If Ever
From NPR, comes the above article heading.
The beginning of the article http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128265730 states:
Quote: “Federal data from 2007 says 40 percent of births in America are to unwed mothers, a trend experts say is especially common in middle-class America. In one St. Louis community, the notion of getting married and having children — in that order — seems quaint.”
The woman in this story (Colleen Segbers) confesses that she didn’t mean to get pregnant six years ago with her daughter, Gwen.
She states:
“It was an afternoon of Budweiser beer and the hot sun,” she laughs. “It happened. It was OK.”
Brethren, it’s no laughing matter. When 40 percent of births in America are to unwed mothers, there is something terribly awry with that statistic. As members of the Lord’s church, we need to be stressing the importance of the institution of marriage, training our young men and women about the responsibility of bringing children into the world under the guidance of godly parents which make up the home.
Note the reason why the couple mentioned in this article finally married:
“After her daughter was born, Segbers did marry Gwen’s father. She loves her husband, she says, but they didn’t get married because they had a baby together or even because they were in love. They did it so she could have insurance.”
They only went through a ceremony was because she could have insurance. Is that a viable reason to get married?
No wonder immorality is rampant in our country today. May God help us to teach our young people the moral principles found in God’s word.
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Richard Mansel
Marriage and Cohabitation
I have posted a new article on my blog entitled, Marriage and Cohabitation. It is filled with statistics on cohabitation and the superiority of marriage.
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Stephen R. Bradd
Good stats, Richard. I’m sure I’ll refer to some of these in the future. Thanks for sharing.
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Richard Mansel
Happy to be of assistance.
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Richard Mansel
Adultery Article and News
Hello, everyone. I hope you are well. I have several things to share today.
First of all, I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I miss Randal being around.
Second, I have posted an In the News post on my blog. There are over two dozen links to stories on the bad economy and the federal deficit, abortion, homosexuality, how Democrats don’t want Obama to campaign for them, etc. The Senate is considering a bill where the U.N. will give your children the right and legal authority to disobey you or take you to court. This opens up a terrifying scenario.
Third, years ago, I wrote a manuscript in the Greer Lectures in Greer, South Carolina on the topic of, Is Adultery Covenant Breaking? I have posted my lengthy, scholarly manuscript on this challenging and controversial subject. I hope you find it helpful.
Today, is one month since the situation with my legs began. I go to the doctor on Monday. Your continued prayers are appreciated.
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Laura
I miss Randal too. But don’t tell him. It might go to his head. :)
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J. Randal Matheny
I heard that!
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Mike Riley
Yes, I miss Randal as well. He kept us on our toes! :)
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Richard Mansel
The Preacher and Divorce
When a preacher gets a divorce, can he continue as the preacher? I am discussing this on my blog. Join me.
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J. Randal Matheny
Daily Nudge: individual or community computer — and news
Is the computer you use for the Internet yours and yours alone, or do you have to share it with others? We’ll refrain from asking what OS you use or brand of equipment — no computer wars here, even though one company is obviously superior to the others.
I’m off to Illinois today, so all you folk carry on as usual, or notch it up a bit. I’m sure no one will notice my absence.
Here’s a bit of American news: A Pew Research article says, “One-in-Seven New U.S. Marriages is Interracial or Interethnic.”
My prayer today on the United Prayer twitter that Mike R. and I do together: “Lord, forgive my weakness, make me strong; forgive my silence, put in my mouth your song.”
What news have you of the churches?
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Glenda Williams
I love you….
Much of my time I spend attending to the needs of my elderly, dearly loved mother. On June 11, if God spares her life, she will be 99 years old. She has called me almost all of her sisters’ names at one time or another in the near seven years she has lived with us, and sometimes some of her brothers. I answer to any name because I know she is calling me. Sometimes I ask her if she knows who I am and she will say, “Yes, you’re Glen-dah.” No one says my name like my mother. I have many precious memories to feast on when she crosses over, if she goes first. But tonight when I tucked her in and told her I loved her, she looked up and said, “I love you better than anybody I can think of.” I repeated that I loved her too. Sometimes she will say, “I know you do.”
How sweet it is to hear those precious words, I love you. My mother lived with my daddy for 55 years. He never told her he loved her. After he got sick she was bathing his back one night in the bathroom and he told her she had been better to him than anyone else would have ever been. She called his name and said, “Grady, we’ve lived together all these years and you’ve never told me you loved me. Didn’t you love me?” He replied, “You know I did or I would have never married you.” He still didn’t say it. As far as I know my daddy went to his grave without ever telling my mother he loved her. That breaks my heart.
Let us tell our loved ones that we love them. Not only do husbands and wives need to convey their love in words, but children need to tell their parents, and parents need to tell their children. We never grow too old to hear and know that we are loved.
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Mike Riley
Glenda, I don’t know why it’s so difficult for some folks to say, “I love you,” but it is. My father is the same way. I have never heard him say those words to my mother or to us three brothers. He’s almost 89, and I’m pretty certain we’ll never hear those words escape from his mouth.
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Richard Mansel
How to Have a Better Marriage
I am interested in how we can teach people how to have better marriages. Today, I am discussing one aspect of a beautiful relationship. We must develop a sacred, one-flesh bond that can be illustrated by comparing it to a Secret Garden. Your comments are always appreciated.
Stanley Adams and 
Sandra Moore are discussing. 
Bulletin bound! :)